My Crazy So Called Life

It's not that I don't want to blog...

Or that I don't have a ton to talk about..

It's about finding the time.

But I'm loving life.

I have 2 wonderful, bratty, pain in the ass, teenaged sons who seem to thrive on pushing every limit they can.  The older one turned 17 today and I still haven't seen him.  It's 8pm!!!!  I'll see him in an hour when he gets off work.

I have a boyfriend whom I love with every fiber of my being. He is my other half.

And then there is everything else.

I still have my business. Unfortunately I don't pay nearly enough attention to it as I should.  But this is my season to shine so I'm working my ass off.

I still have my day job, but thankfully I have a different set of responsibilities which allow me to work when I want to vs. set hours.

I am teaching at the Adult school a few nights a week.

And I am a Real Estate agent!

Today went like this:

First off, I have a cold.

I got up a little early so I could have a little time to myself before I start my day.  Kids had already left for school.  Older is driving with a friend who got his license 2 days ago (few more gray hairs there).  So I veg for a little bit but spend most of those 30 minutes searching through the 10 million photos of my kids to find a few (ok 17, one for each year) of the 17 yo to post on Facebook because I'm THAT mom.

After that I get ready and head down to Real Estate orientation... No idea what this class is going to be about but I'm prepared for anything.

Well almost anything. I wasn't prepared for one guy to be such an asshole that he gets thrown out of class! He took his own breaks and was gone for a really long time so the teacher said he wasn't there long enough to earn the credits and he had to come back and retake the class. He yelled at her for like 15 minutes. I was kind of scared he might come back to retaliate but thankfully he didn't.

The class was interesting, I learned a lot.

After class I headed home with a few stops.  I was just going to give my son cash but I stopped and got him a few NJ Devil's items. shhh it's a secret, he hasn't seen it yet.

Get home, eat and then off to bring the younger one to band practice.  Back home, clean the kitchen and then time to make cake.

Well, cakeS.

1. Chocolate cake, chocolate filling & chocolate icing
2. Yellow cake, chocolate pudding filling & buttercream icing
3. Yellow cake, whipped cream icing & strawberries. Might fill it with canoli filling, not sure yet.

I am actually sitting doing this while they're baking.

The cakes aren't for tonight, they're for this huge ass party we're having on Sunday.  We have like 50 people coming!

Tomorrow is doctor appts, beach, breakfast, work, then party stuff.

Saturday I will be with the marching band all day & night as they have a competition and football game!

Then Sunday the party.

I will need a weekend to get over the weekend!

In Pain but Grateful

Such an odd combination.

I have a been diagnosed with couple of ailments.  Hidradenitis suppurativa, Lyme disease & Costochondritis. They all suck individually, together they suck monkey balls.  The Hidradenitis causes boils and tunnels under your skin.  Lyme just attacks fucking everything and then Costochondritis makes you feel like you're having a heart attack.  Should probably add in the bulging discs in my neck as well as a recent discovery of a mild Chiari Malformation. 

Lovely, right?  

For the most part, I'm ok.  I can work & play and drive and be a single mom. I make dinner I clean the house (kids help) I garden, I spend time with my boyfriend, I do what needs to be done.  But every day there is either a headache or my ribs hurt or I'm walking funny because a new "alien" is trying to rear it's ugly self either in my bikini line (yeah like I'll ever wear a bikini) or under my arm and then it's goodbye tank tops. And every once in a while I just wake up exhausted and spend the day on the couch.  Thankfully I work from home and it's not an issue for work, but it is an issue for me.

I hide a lot.  Only if the pain is really bad do I say anything.  Otherwise it's pop a few ibuprofen and do what I need to do. I don't really have a choice. I have a life to live.

I really didn't start this post to whine, but more to just get it out.  It's my blog, right?  Some of the thoughts rattling around my skull about all of this focuses on my diet.  Why did I feel so great last summer to spend most of the fall and winter feeling miserable. 

Other than the addition of my amazing boyfriend, who did not cause any of this, the only other change was my diet.  I went back to eating carbs and sugar. 

Often I say I need to cut out the carbs to lose weight, but this isn't about losing weight.  This is about getting better.  I need to change my entire mindset.  I need to not give in, I need to be stronger in my resolve. 

So here is my game plan.  I need to treat carbs & sugar like I do mushrooms or wine.  I need to treat them like I'm allergic to them.  If you think about it, I am.  But instead of breaking out in hives or a rash, I break out in pain.  I'd like to stop causing myself pain.  

I rode my bike Monday for the first time since the fall. I did 2 miles. Last summer I was doing 14 to 15 miles a few times a week. I'd like to get back there. 

Happy Father's Day

It's a rainy day at the Jersey Shore as we celebrate Father's Day, but we will still celebrate the men in our lives who not only take part in creating lives, but those who help out once the kids are here!

Happy Father's Day to:

The Dads

The Step Dads

The Grandfathers

The Uncles

The Single Moms

and all of you who help out raising our children. 

Wednesday Morning at the Beach

Just some pictures from the beach today.  

I had some orders to fill and spent some time walking the beach. It felt amazing & really lifted my spirit!

I made some bracelets and an anklet.  

Check out my Facebook page if you're interested in one. 

Summer is here!

Well just about.

Things are going well.  Still with Tony, still blaming him for the weight gain.  LOL

But I seem to be over the hill getting over Lyme Disease.  I 'll know for sure in a few weeks when I go back for more blood work.

Life is changing for me.  I'm not doing online training anymore. I've moved to another part of the company where I'm monitoring sales calls. I like it because I get to work from home still but now i can set my hours, which is awesome. I still have my awesome business, which I'll get back to in a bit and last week I completed my training to become  real estate agent!  Just have to pass the state test on Friday.

I had my license years ago but it wasn't the right time for me.  Now I think it's going to be an awesome adventure and I'm looking forward to it.  What's really awesome about becoming an Agent with HG Realty is not only the owner/broker my friend, but it will afford me the flexibility I'll need being a single mom & doing the call monitoring!

Plus the flexibility to do my Beach Artistry too!

How about some pictures to catch you up. I did a very poorly attended show this weekend.  This is my 2nd show with this company and both were poorly attended.  At no point were there more shoppers than vendors.  But it gave me a chance to do a set up and see what work & what doesn't.  One thing that doesn't work right is my brand new tent.  I will be taking it back this week.

I finally have more space to work in the house so I'm be making some new stuff. Can not wait!

Also, I'll be doing a Sunday Market in Asbury Park called Asbury Fresh on 7/5.  I did them 2 years ago and liked it.  I'll also be doing an event in Lacey, NJ on August 1st.  Can't wait!

Check back for more details!

My boyfriend is making me fat

Yes I have a boyfriend already...

I didn't mean to.  Honestly when the ex & I separated I figured I'd spent a few years dating around, going out & having fun & focusing mostly on my sons.  Then I'd think about settling down again.

Then Tony came along & happily made  me change my plans.

Another time I'll talk about him & how we fell in love... but today is about how he's making me fat..

LOL

When I was filling out my dating profile on Plenty of Fish I added in that I would not date a smoker and I would not date someone who was obese.

I used to smoke & I used to be obese and I didn't want to deal with either one again.  Being around a smoker not only stinks... but it would eventually lead to me smoking again... Same with someone who was obese & not taking care of themselves. I know myself, I know my will power or lack there of.

Tony is like me, lost a bunch of weight and working on getting healthy but we seem to be enabling each other. He likes to not only take me out to eat, but he likes to bring food for my kids!  One day my older son said "he's trying to fatten us up like the witch in Hansel & Gretel!"  LOL

But also we both have things going on that revolve around food.  First it was our birthdays & the holidays and recently it's been more formal events.

I'm up like 14lbs!  well 19 as of today but since 5 of it is from this past weekend, I know it will be off by next weekend.  Still not acceptable.

And I can only exercise lightly because of my Lyme's disease!  Last Thursday I took Odie for a 1 mile walk.  Later that day I suddenly felt like I had come down with the flu but without being sick!

I had to teach that night and it was very very difficult, so I'm not exercising today since I have to teach tonight, but I will tomorrow.

I have Beach Writings to do tomorrow so I'll walk the beach while I'm there too.  If it's too cold then I'll either walk Odie again or hop on my stationary bike.

The rest of of my agenda includes a lot of water with lemon (need to pick up lemons) and staying away from junk food.

We have another formal function to go to this coming weekend but I have no excuse to not eat properly between now & then.

Wish me luck!

Late State Lyme Disease

Late State Lyme Disease

It sounds like a death notice... like "stage 4 cancer"

I know it's not, but it feels like it could be that way.

Saying I have late stage Lyme disease means I've had it a long time, which means it's going to take a long time treat. Very honestly the last time I remember having a tick actually with it's head IN my body, I was a teenager.  I remember it VIVIDLY because my father BURNED it out of my with a cigarette!  It was on my back.

We're talking maybe 1985ish...   Basically nothing was known about Lyme then so even if I did develop a bulls eye rash, nothing would have come of it.

But I very often was pulling ticks off Becca & Odie and if the tick was on my scalp or didn't stick around long, I may not have ever noticed having one.  All I know is that it's an old infection so it's probably been in my system since I was a teenager... we ran free as kids and spent a lot of time in the woods and bike trails down by the Raritan River in Piscataway.

I felt fine until the summer of 2011.  And the kicker is that I was in the best shape of adult life.  Seriously. If you go back in my blog you'll see me talking about losing 65 lbs, exercising, feeling great... even quitting smoking.

Then I started having weird symptoms, which were probably panic attacks, and on July 9th (my adorable nephews first birthday) was in the ER thinking I was having a heart attack.

41, no history of heart disease, in amazing shape... my only downfall is I was still smoking... well I just quit on July 4th, but how could I be having a heart attack????

I wasn't, there is nothing wrong with my heart.  So they figured I pulled a muscle. I hadn't done anything to pull a muscle... but whatever...

Now I'm not going to go thru my whole medical history, but in a nut shell, I was diagnosed with herniated discs in my neck & lower back.  Both checked out by a neurosurgeon who said neither were bad enough to be causing the symptoms I was having.

What I didn't know was that during that time I made the best decision possible. I switched doctors and unknowingly ended up with doctors who are "Lyme Literate."

"Let's run some blood tests & see if there isn't something else going on"

That's the first time I was tested for Lyme disease... and it came back with a possible positive.  Off to the neurologist who is also Lyme literate (Dr. Rhee, love this man to pieces)  He did further tests on my spine & nerves and also concluded that it was not the herniated discs causing the problems.

He wanted further Lyme's testing, however the testing he wanted done would be something I'd have to pay like $1000 out of pocket because my insurance doesn't cover the lab that does them.

Long story short, I put it off...  My regular doc said "bring the script in and we'll see what we can do"

When the chest pain got worse I finally went back to the doc to follow up on the testing... just a few weeks ago and it confirmed the previous test results but also showed tick co infections.

(just 1 of the tests I had done)

This is where my primary doctor change comes into play.  My primary doctors are Lyme's Literate.  What that means is that they know that even though I do not have every positive blood test the CDC requires to be considered positive for Lyme, He said "the CDC guidelines are crap, you have Lyme" 

So 12 days ago I started on what could be as short as 6 weeks but most likely will be a lot longer, course of antibiotics. 

I've got a friend who has a really really bad case of Lymes disease, so bad he can't get out of bed some days.  Between what I've seen him go through and what I've been reading about what could happen as the bacteria die off and release toxins....

I'm scared. 

I know I have support from my friends, my family and my amazing boyfriend (who I keep telling he can run away if he wants, but he doesn't) however, it's a scary path I'm on, & very possibly a very painful one. 

But as I posted on Facebook today, LYMES WILL NOT DEFINE ME. I will fight this with every fiber of my being. I did not work my ass off to get healthy and take care of myself only to be taken down by a 30 year old bug bite!