My Crazy So Called Life

It's not that I don't want to blog...

Or that I don't have a ton to talk about..

It's about finding the time.

But I'm loving life.

I have 2 wonderful, bratty, pain in the ass, teenaged sons who seem to thrive on pushing every limit they can.  The older one turned 17 today and I still haven't seen him.  It's 8pm!!!!  I'll see him in an hour when he gets off work.

I have a boyfriend whom I love with every fiber of my being. He is my other half.

And then there is everything else.

I still have my business. Unfortunately I don't pay nearly enough attention to it as I should.  But this is my season to shine so I'm working my ass off.

I still have my day job, but thankfully I have a different set of responsibilities which allow me to work when I want to vs. set hours.

I am teaching at the Adult school a few nights a week.

And I am a Real Estate agent!

Today went like this:

First off, I have a cold.

I got up a little early so I could have a little time to myself before I start my day.  Kids had already left for school.  Older is driving with a friend who got his license 2 days ago (few more gray hairs there).  So I veg for a little bit but spend most of those 30 minutes searching through the 10 million photos of my kids to find a few (ok 17, one for each year) of the 17 yo to post on Facebook because I'm THAT mom.

After that I get ready and head down to Real Estate orientation... No idea what this class is going to be about but I'm prepared for anything.

Well almost anything. I wasn't prepared for one guy to be such an asshole that he gets thrown out of class! He took his own breaks and was gone for a really long time so the teacher said he wasn't there long enough to earn the credits and he had to come back and retake the class. He yelled at her for like 15 minutes. I was kind of scared he might come back to retaliate but thankfully he didn't.

The class was interesting, I learned a lot.

After class I headed home with a few stops.  I was just going to give my son cash but I stopped and got him a few NJ Devil's items. shhh it's a secret, he hasn't seen it yet.

Get home, eat and then off to bring the younger one to band practice.  Back home, clean the kitchen and then time to make cake.

Well, cakeS.

1. Chocolate cake, chocolate filling & chocolate icing
2. Yellow cake, chocolate pudding filling & buttercream icing
3. Yellow cake, whipped cream icing & strawberries. Might fill it with canoli filling, not sure yet.

I am actually sitting doing this while they're baking.

The cakes aren't for tonight, they're for this huge ass party we're having on Sunday.  We have like 50 people coming!

Tomorrow is doctor appts, beach, breakfast, work, then party stuff.

Saturday I will be with the marching band all day & night as they have a competition and football game!

Then Sunday the party.

I will need a weekend to get over the weekend!

In Pain but Grateful

Such an odd combination.

I have a been diagnosed with couple of ailments.  Hidradenitis suppurativa, Lyme disease & Costochondritis. They all suck individually, together they suck monkey balls.  The Hidradenitis causes boils and tunnels under your skin.  Lyme just attacks fucking everything and then Costochondritis makes you feel like you're having a heart attack.  Should probably add in the bulging discs in my neck as well as a recent discovery of a mild Chiari Malformation. 

Lovely, right?  

For the most part, I'm ok.  I can work & play and drive and be a single mom. I make dinner I clean the house (kids help) I garden, I spend time with my boyfriend, I do what needs to be done.  But every day there is either a headache or my ribs hurt or I'm walking funny because a new "alien" is trying to rear it's ugly self either in my bikini line (yeah like I'll ever wear a bikini) or under my arm and then it's goodbye tank tops. And every once in a while I just wake up exhausted and spend the day on the couch.  Thankfully I work from home and it's not an issue for work, but it is an issue for me.

I hide a lot.  Only if the pain is really bad do I say anything.  Otherwise it's pop a few ibuprofen and do what I need to do. I don't really have a choice. I have a life to live.

I really didn't start this post to whine, but more to just get it out.  It's my blog, right?  Some of the thoughts rattling around my skull about all of this focuses on my diet.  Why did I feel so great last summer to spend most of the fall and winter feeling miserable. 

Other than the addition of my amazing boyfriend, who did not cause any of this, the only other change was my diet.  I went back to eating carbs and sugar. 

Often I say I need to cut out the carbs to lose weight, but this isn't about losing weight.  This is about getting better.  I need to change my entire mindset.  I need to not give in, I need to be stronger in my resolve. 

So here is my game plan.  I need to treat carbs & sugar like I do mushrooms or wine.  I need to treat them like I'm allergic to them.  If you think about it, I am.  But instead of breaking out in hives or a rash, I break out in pain.  I'd like to stop causing myself pain.  

I rode my bike Monday for the first time since the fall. I did 2 miles. Last summer I was doing 14 to 15 miles a few times a week. I'd like to get back there. 

Happy Father's Day

It's a rainy day at the Jersey Shore as we celebrate Father's Day, but we will still celebrate the men in our lives who not only take part in creating lives, but those who help out once the kids are here!

Happy Father's Day to:

The Dads

The Step Dads

The Grandfathers

The Uncles

The Single Moms

and all of you who help out raising our children. 

Wednesday Morning at the Beach

Just some pictures from the beach today.  

I had some orders to fill and spent some time walking the beach. It felt amazing & really lifted my spirit!

I made some bracelets and an anklet.  

Check out my Facebook page if you're interested in one. 

Summer is here!

Well just about.

Things are going well.  Still with Tony, still blaming him for the weight gain.  LOL

But I seem to be over the hill getting over Lyme Disease.  I 'll know for sure in a few weeks when I go back for more blood work.

Life is changing for me.  I'm not doing online training anymore. I've moved to another part of the company where I'm monitoring sales calls. I like it because I get to work from home still but now i can set my hours, which is awesome. I still have my awesome business, which I'll get back to in a bit and last week I completed my training to become  real estate agent!  Just have to pass the state test on Friday.

I had my license years ago but it wasn't the right time for me.  Now I think it's going to be an awesome adventure and I'm looking forward to it.  What's really awesome about becoming an Agent with HG Realty is not only the owner/broker my friend, but it will afford me the flexibility I'll need being a single mom & doing the call monitoring!

Plus the flexibility to do my Beach Artistry too!

How about some pictures to catch you up. I did a very poorly attended show this weekend.  This is my 2nd show with this company and both were poorly attended.  At no point were there more shoppers than vendors.  But it gave me a chance to do a set up and see what work & what doesn't.  One thing that doesn't work right is my brand new tent.  I will be taking it back this week.

I finally have more space to work in the house so I'm be making some new stuff. Can not wait!

Also, I'll be doing a Sunday Market in Asbury Park called Asbury Fresh on 7/5.  I did them 2 years ago and liked it.  I'll also be doing an event in Lacey, NJ on August 1st.  Can't wait!

Check back for more details!

My boyfriend is making me fat

Yes I have a boyfriend already...

I didn't mean to.  Honestly when the ex & I separated I figured I'd spent a few years dating around, going out & having fun & focusing mostly on my sons.  Then I'd think about settling down again.

Then Tony came along & happily made  me change my plans.

Another time I'll talk about him & how we fell in love... but today is about how he's making me fat..

LOL

When I was filling out my dating profile on Plenty of Fish I added in that I would not date a smoker and I would not date someone who was obese.

I used to smoke & I used to be obese and I didn't want to deal with either one again.  Being around a smoker not only stinks... but it would eventually lead to me smoking again... Same with someone who was obese & not taking care of themselves. I know myself, I know my will power or lack there of.

Tony is like me, lost a bunch of weight and working on getting healthy but we seem to be enabling each other. He likes to not only take me out to eat, but he likes to bring food for my kids!  One day my older son said "he's trying to fatten us up like the witch in Hansel & Gretel!"  LOL

But also we both have things going on that revolve around food.  First it was our birthdays & the holidays and recently it's been more formal events.

I'm up like 14lbs!  well 19 as of today but since 5 of it is from this past weekend, I know it will be off by next weekend.  Still not acceptable.

And I can only exercise lightly because of my Lyme's disease!  Last Thursday I took Odie for a 1 mile walk.  Later that day I suddenly felt like I had come down with the flu but without being sick!

I had to teach that night and it was very very difficult, so I'm not exercising today since I have to teach tonight, but I will tomorrow.

I have Beach Writings to do tomorrow so I'll walk the beach while I'm there too.  If it's too cold then I'll either walk Odie again or hop on my stationary bike.

The rest of of my agenda includes a lot of water with lemon (need to pick up lemons) and staying away from junk food.

We have another formal function to go to this coming weekend but I have no excuse to not eat properly between now & then.

Wish me luck!

Late State Lyme Disease

Late State Lyme Disease

It sounds like a death notice... like "stage 4 cancer"

I know it's not, but it feels like it could be that way.

Saying I have late stage Lyme disease means I've had it a long time, which means it's going to take a long time treat. Very honestly the last time I remember having a tick actually with it's head IN my body, I was a teenager.  I remember it VIVIDLY because my father BURNED it out of my with a cigarette!  It was on my back.

We're talking maybe 1985ish...   Basically nothing was known about Lyme then so even if I did develop a bulls eye rash, nothing would have come of it.

But I very often was pulling ticks off Becca & Odie and if the tick was on my scalp or didn't stick around long, I may not have ever noticed having one.  All I know is that it's an old infection so it's probably been in my system since I was a teenager... we ran free as kids and spent a lot of time in the woods and bike trails down by the Raritan River in Piscataway.

I felt fine until the summer of 2011.  And the kicker is that I was in the best shape of adult life.  Seriously. If you go back in my blog you'll see me talking about losing 65 lbs, exercising, feeling great... even quitting smoking.

Then I started having weird symptoms, which were probably panic attacks, and on July 9th (my adorable nephews first birthday) was in the ER thinking I was having a heart attack.

41, no history of heart disease, in amazing shape... my only downfall is I was still smoking... well I just quit on July 4th, but how could I be having a heart attack????

I wasn't, there is nothing wrong with my heart.  So they figured I pulled a muscle. I hadn't done anything to pull a muscle... but whatever...

Now I'm not going to go thru my whole medical history, but in a nut shell, I was diagnosed with herniated discs in my neck & lower back.  Both checked out by a neurosurgeon who said neither were bad enough to be causing the symptoms I was having.

What I didn't know was that during that time I made the best decision possible. I switched doctors and unknowingly ended up with doctors who are "Lyme Literate."

"Let's run some blood tests & see if there isn't something else going on"

That's the first time I was tested for Lyme disease... and it came back with a possible positive.  Off to the neurologist who is also Lyme literate (Dr. Rhee, love this man to pieces)  He did further tests on my spine & nerves and also concluded that it was not the herniated discs causing the problems.

He wanted further Lyme's testing, however the testing he wanted done would be something I'd have to pay like $1000 out of pocket because my insurance doesn't cover the lab that does them.

Long story short, I put it off...  My regular doc said "bring the script in and we'll see what we can do"

When the chest pain got worse I finally went back to the doc to follow up on the testing... just a few weeks ago and it confirmed the previous test results but also showed tick co infections.

(just 1 of the tests I had done)

This is where my primary doctor change comes into play.  My primary doctors are Lyme's Literate.  What that means is that they know that even though I do not have every positive blood test the CDC requires to be considered positive for Lyme, He said "the CDC guidelines are crap, you have Lyme" 

So 12 days ago I started on what could be as short as 6 weeks but most likely will be a lot longer, course of antibiotics. 

I've got a friend who has a really really bad case of Lymes disease, so bad he can't get out of bed some days.  Between what I've seen him go through and what I've been reading about what could happen as the bacteria die off and release toxins....

I'm scared. 

I know I have support from my friends, my family and my amazing boyfriend (who I keep telling he can run away if he wants, but he doesn't) however, it's a scary path I'm on, & very possibly a very painful one. 

But as I posted on Facebook today, LYMES WILL NOT DEFINE ME. I will fight this with every fiber of my being. I did not work my ass off to get healthy and take care of myself only to be taken down by a 30 year old bug bite! 

Oh hey look... my blog

Wow, I really suck at Blogging!

Let's try to get back to doing this.

Update on me
Ex moved out so it's just me and the kids
We had to put down our border collie Becca 2 weeks ago, that sucked and still does
Weight is about the same
I was diagnosed with Lyme's disease and I recently started a long term antibiotic treatment, let's hope it works. It's actually what they call "late state" Lyme's because apparently I've had it forever.

My kids are doing awesome and appear to be ok with the divorce

Even though I did not want to date, I started dating.
Then I said "no relationships!  I'm just going to go out & have fun, nothing serious"
Yeah, that didn't work either. I met the most wonderful man in the whole world & I couldn't be happier.  We've been dating since 9.27.14.  He is absolutely amazing.

Ex has had some women issues including one where I feared coming home and finding my Jack Russell Terrier in a pot of boiling water... (you have to have seen the movie to get that reference). Otherwise we get along ok.  I wouldn't say we're friends, but we're still decent to each other so things are going along ok.

I still have my awesome day job of being an online trainer working from home. I recently started helping out monitoring the sales calls which is kind of neat.  I also teach for the local adult school and this semester I'll be teaching 2 nights a week this spring.

And of course I still have my awesome store! You should check it out!

BeachwritingsNJ

I'm trying to think of different ways to keep me blogging, so hopefully it won't be months before I update again!

I've started making sea glass necklaces that could be used for bridal parties, so that's fun. 

I think I'm going to keep focusing on the beach writings.  Tons of people make jewelry and a lot of people make sea glass jewelry and even though mine is different, it does tend to get a little lost in the shuffle.  I figure if I focus on the beach writings, which is my first love, and spend down time working on sea glass creations, hopefully it will work out.

Hope you're all doing well!!!

Random examples from my shop

Names On The Jersey Shore

Be who you want!

Did you know I started my business at 40 years old.

It's never too late to have a happily ever after.

Baked Potato Salad

Just in case you're looking for the recipe.

Baked Potato Salad

Where is summer & divorce update

Ok it's going to be warm today, almost 70 but it's cloudy!!! This weather has been the PITS since winter started.

I have never had such a long period of time between beach trips to get my work done. Even right after Sandy I didn't have this much trouble getting my work done.

SO.VERY.FRUSTRATING!!!!

Enough complaining... what I'm doing in the mean time is focusing on me and my health.  Since February I've been eating low carb & riding my bike at least 5 days a week for 20 to 40 minutes.  Since then I've lost 18 lbs!!!!

Back in January I posted this

http://thejerseyshoremom.blogspot.com/2014/01/so-im-fat-again.html

which has the link to my post from 2011 when I had hit 65 pounds lost and included before & after photos, go check it out.

So my goal is to get the rest of the weight off to get me back to where I was in 2011 before my back issues laid me out, that's only 15 more pounds.  I am focused and hope to be there before the end of the summer.  If I can get more off, awesome!!!  Realistically I am 44 and have been obese at several points in my life.  So unless I can afford plastic surgery to remove skin, I don't see myself ever being skinny.

My combination for weight loss that works this time is Low Carb, exercise and STRESS.  I think stress is the catalyst.

Imagine that, divorcing & living together is causing stress...

You see, even though we are getting divorced, we had planned on only separating (NJ doesn't have legal separation) so I could stay on his insurance he is now pushing to file for divorce.

He used to push me to stay in the house together so that we could keep things normal for the kids.  At first I liked the idea, but then I the thought of one more day of seeing his face was going to be too much, to accepting it was a good idea for the kids.

We get along just fine, so what was the point of breaking up the house and having to struggle to maintain 2 households.

I did a lot of reading on it and even met a woman who shared a house with her ex for 11 years!  I can't imagine 11 years, but I was just thinking 2 or 3 more.  Maybe at that point with our youngest being 16ish the older one in college or Air Force and that would lighten the load for finding a place to live until the younger one graduates.

And then the ex started dating.

Basically he became infatuated with the first woman that paid any attention to him through a dating site. I think she must have gone through a bad divorce because she is pushing him to do things that are not in his nature.

He is crazy about her and looks like he will do almost anything to be with her. He told me she's told him to date other people, and he is.  I also believe she has said she will not date him while he's still legally married and that is why he is pushing for filing.

I told him I would write him a note saying that I have no problem with his dating as long as he remembered to put his kids first.  So if you're her & you're reading this, he's all yours!  Just try to remember he has kids too.

So we went from friends, to dating, to married, to separated and now, with the way he's treating me, I can't see us being friends.

It makes me sad because he is the father of our children and I see how this putting more stress on them daily.
I have always been there for my kids and will continue to do so any way I can.  Especially at this time when he is not thinking with the head between his shoulders.

I am strong and will build a future that will lead to an amazing adult friendship with my awesome kids, where I never have to worry about what head the ex is thinking with again.

Ok, enough rambling. I need to get my butt on my bike.  Thanks for listening!

Just some pictures

I realize I again have let my blog slide.  If I post pictures will that make it up to you?

These are from today on Brick Beach.

This is the very first piece of red sea glass I've ever found. I found it yesterday. 

My attempt at a sea glass hummingbird

New beach writing necklace in my store (click any of the links on the right)

Lastly a selfie!

Have a GREAT day!!!

Been Busy!

Hi everyone!  Sorry I've been MIA (I say that too often!) but I've been busy!

Kids, work, life, it all just happens. 

One thing I have managed to do is get things listed in my online store.  Yeah me!

When you get a chance, take a close look at what I've made!

I'm off to drill some more sea glass.  The sea glass charm bracelets are a huge hit!

Happy Spring!

Meanest Mom

My younger son is currently grounded from all screens due to a very bad progress report in school. He's missing a bunch of assignments which brought his grades way down. It's amazing what kids will do when they can't access the internet or television.

He decided to look for a banana peanut butter muffin recipe.  So instead of searching the internet, we dug out my old cookbooks.  When I say "my old cookbooks" I really mean my mom & her mother's.  There is also a tin in there with articles & recipes from the newspaper.

One article was a Ann Landers column about The Worlds Meanest Mom.  It was cut out by my late grandmother. 

Well, we got quite a kick out of it.  You see, I pride myself on being "The Worlds Meanest Mom."  I used to tell my kids all the time that I was the worlds meanest mom and I wasn't going to change. Apparently I took my parenting skills from this article. 

Here you can read for yourself.

I had the meanest mother in the world. While other kids had candy for breakfast, I had to eat cereal, eggs and toast. While other kids had Cokes and candy for lunch, I had a sandwich. As you can guess, my dinner was different from other kids' dinners, too. 

My mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were a chain gang or something. She had to know who our friends were and what we were doing. 
I am ashamed to admit it, but she actually had the nerve to break the child labor law. She made us work. We had to wash dishes, make the beds and learn how to cook. 

That woman must have stayed awake nights thinking up things for us kids to do. And she always insisted that we tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. 
By the time we were teenagers, our life became even more unbearable. None of this tooting the car horn for us to come running; she embarrassed us to no end by insisting that the boys come to the door to get us. I forgot to mention that most of our friends were allowed to date at the mature age of 12 and 13, but our old-fashioned mother refused to let us date until we were 15. 

She really raised a bunch of squares. None of us was ever arrested for shoplifting or busted for dope. 

And who do we have to thank for this? You're right, our mean mother. 
I am trying to raise my children to stand a little straighter and taller and I am secretly tickled to pieces when my children call me mean. I thank God for giving me the meanest mother in the world. Our country doesn't need a good 5 cent cigar. 

It needs more mean mothers like mine.

As my son read through he kept saying "yep that's you, OMG that you!!" LOL

It's hard sometimes, very hard.  But if it helps make my kids adults I'd want to be friends with, I'll keep at it!

Dear Chevy

Dear Chevy,

I've leased my lovely 2013 Traverse for a year now and I am pretty happy with it so far.  It provided the leg room needed for my 15 year old 5ft 11 son, the 3rd row is awesome for when the 12 yo just needs to sit by himself.

But there are a few design flaws that need to be worked out.

1. Placement of the Hazard lights button.  Ok the placement isn't so bad, but it's SO sensitive. I've turned it accidentally more times then I care to mention.  The answer call button on my phone isn't as sensitive!

2. Speaking of phones.  Not very happy that my droid (galaxy s3) isn't compatible with the USB port. Luckily I was given an older iPod so I can have my own music.

3. Whoever designed the headrest for the front seats did not have siblings in mind.  Being able to just push it forward is making me a bit twitchy... My kids are usually pretty good, but this is one way no sibling can resist annoying the one who called shotgun first!

4.  The invisibility mode button is apparently invisible, but I think I figured out what triggers it.  I think it has something to do with low washer fluid. 

Like most of us, I don't really ever have to add fluid because they do it when they change the oil, but this winter ran my supply low. I picked up a bottle yesterday but didn't get a chance before I went out this morning to add it. Cruising to the beach, I was cut off by a woman who clearly couldn't see me as she ran the red light making a right turn onto the road I was on.  I mean there was no one behind me so she must not have seen me barreling through the intersection at 40 mph.

Then coming back, a township garbage truck decided to straddle both lanes on 35 north while eating & drinking.. I'm guessing the invisibility mode was still on then too.

I was going to add it before taking the 15 yo to hockey practice, but being it is a new car I couldn't find the latch to release the hood (under the hood, not the "button" in the car) so I figured I'd wait until I got home.

Well that almost caused a nice accident as a young woman decided she needed to be in my lane while I was in it! Good thing my brakes only have about 12,000 miles on them and that my horn is nice and loud.

I've filled it now, so hopefully that shut off the invisibility mode & there won't be any further craziness!!!

I really wish this invisibility feature had been explained to me before I left the dealership last year!!

St. Patrick's Day!

I love St. Patrick's Day!  What's better than a holiday that calls for DRINKING!

Honestly, I rarely drink. It's not that I'm some goody goody, because I'm really not. It's just that I hate the bloated feeling the next day and it's really just empty calories.  So unless I'm out dancing, I limit my intake and rarely drink at home.

But St. Patrick's Day is built around drinking nowadays.  And the Belmar Parade :)

Last year I tried my hand at making Shamrocks out of wire & sea glass and they were a HIT!

So I"m going to do it again this year!

I have this one listed in my The Craft Star Store

https://www.thecraftstar.com/product_details/107425/shamrock-green-sea-glass-silver-necklace-pendant-st-patricks-day-irish/

And I'll list new ones soon.

I made these recently but they're not listed in my online store yet. 

Thanks for looking!

Valentine's Day & SNOW!

So if you live anywhere on the east coast, you got snow of some sort. I was lucky to get rain all day and then a little snow over night.

However, all this bad weather I'm sure put a damper on your Valentine's Day shopping.  So I'm here to help!  I'll be home all day today, Friday February 14, 2014, so I'm offering this ONLY until 7pm eastern time today.

You get the red heart with your names added. Send it to your local printer or even just set it as their phone or computer background!!! Paypal only! Between now & 7 pm (eastern time) get it in your email within TODAY!!!!  I'm trying to get them done as soon as they come in, so you should have it within an hour.

Send me an email if you want one beachwritingsnj@verizon.net

Follow me on Facebook for more offers like this!

Sports Photography

My older son is on the high school ice hockey team.  I figured it was a good time to try out sports photography... well inside sports photography. I'm not the best, but I have fun doing it. I do have a lot to learn yet.