Open Letter to Snooki & Jionni

Dear Nicole & guy hanging around for the limelight,

Move.

Seriously, move to the midwest somewhere.

(ok before you catty bitches say "i thought you never watched tv" - I said Rarely.. and yes, I watch Jersey Shore. I friggen live there... have to watch)

Oh and change your names.

And change pretty much everything about you that leads back to these personas you've created.

You have a son now and every single thing needs to be about him.

Ok you can wait until after the "covered better then Prince William & Kate's" wedding fiasco - but then you need to be done.

What prompted this post.... 

I have sons, 2 of them.  They're 13 & 11 now.

And the mere thought of the torture this little baby Enzo is going to have to endure when his classmates find out he's Snooki's child..

It makes me feel like throwing up.

Can you imagine the abuse when he gets to like 5th grade?  "Hey Enzo, watched Jersey Shore last night & saw where you wrecked your mom" or something other gross thing that 10/11 yo boys say to each other (and no matter how you raise, them they can be gross - just hopefully never around their grandparents!)

I have to say I was happy to hear they were having a boy... because girls are MUCH worse... much, much, much worse (yes, I'm having a flashback to middle school - I was bullied and picked on a lot- you could not pay me to go back to middle school)

Whether you were picked on or the bully, think back to how a girl with a known "celebrity" mom like Snooki would have been tortured...

I shudder just thinking about it.

So my suggestion to Nicole & Jionni

Have your obnoxious wedding & Snooks, wear white if you want to....

Then over the next 3 or 4 years, pull out (insert joke here) of the spotlight

Change your style

Change your names

Pick a nice quiet town in the midwest somewhere and settle down.  Be real parents, attend your kids sporting events or dance recitals.  Don't draw attention to yourself by whining or hitting on ever dad there

and just fade into history. 

Because it's no longer all about you... it's about Enzo and he deserves a normal life.

Just like your parents did Nicole when they gave you up for adoption.  Your parents did what they thought was best for you, now you do the same.

I'm not saying give him up for adoption, I'm saying stop being selfish and thinking it's all about you. 

You've made your money and I'm sure there is enough rolling in that if invested wisely will support you very well for the rest of your lives.  So there is no reason to subject your child to anything more.

Have you see that Honey Boo boo show? Do you really want Enzo to end up like that?

Parenting is hard enough - you don't need to make it harder on yourselves or Enzo.

You can always come back to Jersey for a visit.  Hell it's not like you're actually from here anyway, so that doesn't change.

Speaking of parenting, I need to wrap this up here and get moving. So much to do on this last day before school starts! I'm just very glad that one of the things I'm not doing is readying my boys for the crap Enzo is going to have to deal with thanks to the way you 2 got "famous."

Friday afternoon at the boardwalk

Yesterday afternoon my 11 yo & I decided to go to Seaside.  I wanted to get out and walk and he wanted to play some claw games.

Because of the new STUPID law of having to stop for people in the crosswalk, I just parked at the north end of town where we came in.  Seriously folks, NJ has a law that even if you're barreling down the road at 40mpg (speed limit) driving a full cement truck, if someone steps off the curb in a crosswalk, you HAVE to stop or get a ticket.

OH and the cops set up stings too.  So I now HATE driving through the resort towns, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, which means less business for those stores along the barrier island.  (Yes, a good portion of the Jersey Shore is on a barrier island.  If you don't know what a barrier island is, please go look it up.)

So the Jersey Shore house happens to be at the north end of the boardwalk where we parked.  And they're filming.

I didn't give it a second thought.  Though I am still wondering if the picture ever made it in the house... guess I'll find out when this season airs.

So my little guy & I walked down the boardwalk playing in different arcades.  As we were walking back I saw camera crew coming out of one of restaurants.  We stopped to look and it was Pauly, Vinny & Deena.

Deena is tiny.  Pauly's hair is perfectly level and Vinny is really cute in person.

I didn't stop to talk or gawk or anything. If my son wasn't with me I might have asked if they ever saw the stick figure drawing, ut I was not going to run the chance of him being on camera.  Yes I know I would have to sign a waiver for them to use any footage of him, but I wasn't going to risk it.  So we just kept walking.

Every once in a while he would look back and say "they're still following us!"  LOL

So if you want to see the cast definitely head to the boardwalk during a week day.  A few years ago when we were there and they were filming, the crowd surrounding them walking down the boardwalk was HUGE... yesterday there were like 5 people.

A few vendors even yelled nasty things at them.  I was a little pissed off about that because my son got an earful... (not like he's never heard a curse word... someone around here had a potty mouth) but that is what happens when you walk the boardwalk in Seaside.

Cabs are HERE!

I did this beach writing back in the summer before they started filming season 5 in Seaside. I don't think it made it in the house for filming, but we'll see!

It's #jerzday!

I'm on a mission

Let's face it, the MTV show Jersey Shore is still a hit. Like it or not.

And for some reason I seem to think if I can get one of them to follow me on twitter, it will generate a TON of sales, and even though I love my day job, I wouldn't be against being a full time beach writer!

Snooki has almost 3 MILLION followers, Pauly & Vinny have like 1.5 MILLION each.  

So tweet them about me.  my twitter name is beachwritings 

Here are their Twitter pages

Snooki

PaulyD

JWoww

Deena

Vinny

The Situation

Ick even going to the situations twitter page makes me feel icky.

Can't believe Snooki had sex with him... makes me want to hurl.

Anyway, if they can be famous for doing what everyone else has done for 100 years in Seaside, only they figured out how to embarrass their families and make a ton of money, you guys can make me famous by helping me to get them to talk about me!

Love you!

It's baaaaaaaaaackkkk

Ok so I sold out a bit.

When I found out Jersey Shore was going to film season 5 back in Seaside, I did this beach writing.

Printed it 20x30, framed it and gave it to one of the producers of the show.

Now I know it's not going to be in season 4, since they were in Italy and my chances of it being seen during season 5 are slim to none.... but I wanted to share it with you all anyway.

Though I did hear through the grapevine that the cast did see it & like it.  

I just hope it gets me some business :D  

MY SHOP