An Open Message to Jen O

She'll probably never read this... and I probably should message her directly... but I'm not sure yet.

Dear Jen,

Before I got married I was engaged to your husband.  We really should have never gotten past our first date, much less engaged.  It wasn't a healthy relationship. 

Over the years since we broke up we'd email birthday or holiday greetings back and forth occasionally. When you two got married I emailed him a congrats, etc. This past spring he started to text me occasionally about how his work would take him near my house & how we should go out to lunch.

I kept putting him off and our conversation died out. Then a few months ago he started up again. Once a week or so I'd get a "hey how are you doing" message.

Then he'd call occasionally.

This all went on during "working hours" (see red flag below)

You see where this is going, right?

It got more frequent after I told him I was getting divorced.(see red flag below) I told him that I felt he needed to know that I was no longer married because it changed the dynamic of the friendship. We were no longer 2 married friends. He said no big deal.

Around Thanksgiving he called and I missed it. When I went to call him back he was in the process of calling you.   I said "go call her I'll talk to you later" and he said "no, I want to talk to you" (see red flag below) This bothered me a lot and later I started asking him in text if you knew about our friendship, he said yes. Deep down I knew he was lying.

I decided to see how far I could push him before he told me the truth about what you actually knew, so I invited you two to come join my birthday celebration.  He declined stating you were not comfortable being I was an ex. "But she's OK with all the texts and talking we do?" I asked. 

He said you were, but the text messages & calls stopped instantly. One message on my birthday, one on his and nothing else.

Yesterday I got a "hope your holidays were good" EMAIL. 

I wrote back thanks and then because I had a buzz (it was 11pm, his email was from the morning *during working hours*) I sent him a text "Why are you emailing me instead of a text, I'm not mad at you"

Yes, I did it on purpose. If he thinks for half a minute that I will be a party to him contacting another woman against his wife's wishes, he's got another thing coming. I got an email back this morning that yes, you were unhappy with the amount of texts and calls, so he sent an email so it wouldn't upset you.  (see red flag to the right)

I ended the friendship right there. I told him that I had my own issues to deal with and had no time for whatever issue was causing him to continually contact me when you were not happy about it. I am no home wrecker.

He swears up and down that he's not doing anything wrong.
(see red flag to the right)

I want you to know that I felt the amount of time he and I spent talking and texts was wrong.  I am sorry if it caused you any stress. I asked him several times if you knew about our friendship and he said you were fine with it, that he didn't keep any secrets from you. 

I told him in my last email that our friendship ends now.  He wrote back that we'd always be friends..... (see red flag above)

You deserve to know the truth.  It could have very easily turned into an emotional affair, but I kept it as light as possible.  He actually doesn't know why I'm getting divorced.  After all I've been through, I know confiding in him would have been wrong because he is a married man.