Monday, March 23, 2015

My boyfriend is making me fat

Yes I have a boyfriend already...

I didn't mean to.  Honestly when the ex & I separated I figured I'd spent a few years dating around, going out & having fun & focusing mostly on my sons.  Then I'd think about settling down again.

Then Tony came along & happily made  me change my plans.

Another time I'll talk about him & how we fell in love... but today is about how he's making me fat..


When I was filling out my dating profile on Plenty of Fish I added in that I would not date a smoker and I would not date someone who was obese.

I used to smoke & I used to be obese and I didn't want to deal with either one again.  Being around a smoker not only stinks... but it would eventually lead to me smoking again... Same with someone who was obese & not taking care of themselves. I know myself, I know my will power or lack there of.

Tony is like me, lost a bunch of weight and working on getting healthy but we seem to be enabling each other. He likes to not only take me out to eat, but he likes to bring food for my kids!  One day my older son said "he's trying to fatten us up like the witch in Hansel & Gretel!"  LOL

But also we both have things going on that revolve around food.  First it was our birthdays & the holidays and recently it's been more formal events.

I'm up like 14lbs!  well 19 as of today but since 5 of it is from this past weekend, I know it will be off by next weekend.  Still not acceptable.

And I can only exercise lightly because of my Lyme's disease!  Last Thursday I took Odie for a 1 mile walk.  Later that day I suddenly felt like I had come down with the flu but without being sick!

I had to teach that night and it was very very difficult, so I'm not exercising today since I have to teach tonight, but I will tomorrow.

I have Beach Writings to do tomorrow so I'll walk the beach while I'm there too.  If it's too cold then I'll either walk Odie again or hop on my stationary bike.

The rest of of my agenda includes a lot of water with lemon (need to pick up lemons) and staying away from junk food.

We have another formal function to go to this coming weekend but I have no excuse to not eat properly between now & then.

Wish me luck!

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Late State Lyme Disease

Late State Lyme Disease

It sounds like a death notice... like "stage 4 cancer"

I know it's not, but it feels like it could be that way.

Saying I have late stage Lyme disease means I've had it a long time, which means it's going to take a long time treat. Very honestly the last time I remember having a tick actually with it's head IN my body, I was a teenager.  I remember it VIVIDLY because my father BURNED it out of my with a cigarette!  It was on my back.

We're talking maybe 1985ish...   Basically nothing was known about Lyme then so even if I did develop a bulls eye rash, nothing would have come of it.

But I very often was pulling ticks off Becca & Odie and if the tick was on my scalp or didn't stick around long, I may not have ever noticed having one.  All I know is that it's an old infection so it's probably been in my system since I was a teenager... we ran free as kids and spent a lot of time in the woods and bike trails down by the Raritan River in Piscataway.

I felt fine until the summer of 2011.  And the kicker is that I was in the best shape of adult life.  Seriously. If you go back in my blog you'll see me talking about losing 65 lbs, exercising, feeling great... even quitting smoking.

Then I started having weird symptoms, which were probably panic attacks, and on July 9th (my adorable nephews first birthday) was in the ER thinking I was having a heart attack.

41, no history of heart disease, in amazing shape... my only downfall is I was still smoking... well I just quit on July 4th, but how could I be having a heart attack????

I wasn't, there is nothing wrong with my heart.  So they figured I pulled a muscle. I hadn't done anything to pull a muscle... but whatever...

Now I'm not going to go thru my whole medical history, but in a nut shell, I was diagnosed with herniated discs in my neck & lower back.  Both checked out by a neurosurgeon who said neither were bad enough to be causing the symptoms I was having.

What I didn't know was that during that time I made the best decision possible. I switched doctors and unknowingly ended up with doctors who are "Lyme Literate."

"Let's run some blood tests & see if there isn't something else going on"

That's the first time I was tested for Lyme disease... and it came back with a possible positive.  Off to the neurologist who is also Lyme literate (Dr. Rhee, love this man to pieces)  He did further tests on my spine & nerves and also concluded that it was not the herniated discs causing the problems.

He wanted further Lyme's testing, however the testing he wanted done would be something I'd have to pay like $1000 out of pocket because my insurance doesn't cover the lab that does them.

Long story short, I put it off...  My regular doc said "bring the script in and we'll see what we can do"

When the chest pain got worse I finally went back to the doc to follow up on the testing... just a few weeks ago and it confirmed the previous test results but also showed tick co infections.

(just 1 of the tests I had done)

This is where my primary doctor change comes into play.  My primary doctors are Lyme's Literate.  What that means is that they know that even though I do not have every positive blood test the CDC requires to be considered positive for Lyme, He said "the CDC guidelines are crap, you have Lyme" 

So 12 days ago I started on what could be as short as 6 weeks but most likely will be a lot longer, course of antibiotics. 

I've got a friend who has a really really bad case of Lymes disease, so bad he can't get out of bed some days.  Between what I've seen him go through and what I've been reading about what could happen as the bacteria die off and release toxins....

I'm scared. 

I know I have support from my friends, my family and my amazing boyfriend (who I keep telling he can run away if he wants, but he doesn't) however, it's a scary path I'm on, & very possibly a very painful one. 

But as I posted on Facebook today, LYMES WILL NOT DEFINE ME. I will fight this with every fiber of my being. I did not work my ass off to get healthy and take care of myself only to be taken down by a 30 year old bug bite! 

Monday, February 2, 2015

Oh hey look... my blog

Wow, I really suck at Blogging!

Let's try to get back to doing this.

Update on me
Ex moved out so it's just me and the kids
We had to put down our border collie Becca 2 weeks ago, that sucked and still does
Weight is about the same
I was diagnosed with Lyme's disease and I recently started a long term antibiotic treatment, let's hope it works. It's actually what they call "late state" Lyme's because apparently I've had it forever.

My kids are doing awesome and appear to be ok with the divorce

Even though I did not want to date, I started dating.
Then I said "no relationships!  I'm just going to go out & have fun, nothing serious"
Yeah, that didn't work either. I met the most wonderful man in the whole world & I couldn't be happier.  We've been dating since 9.27.14.  He is absolutely amazing.

Ex has had some women issues including one where I feared coming home and finding my Jack Russell Terrier in a pot of boiling water... (you have to have seen the movie to get that reference). Otherwise we get along ok.  I wouldn't say we're friends, but we're still decent to each other so things are going along ok.

I still have my awesome day job of being an online trainer working from home. I recently started helping out monitoring the sales calls which is kind of neat.  I also teach for the local adult school and this semester I'll be teaching 2 nights a week this spring.

And of course I still have my awesome store! You should check it out!

I'm trying to think of different ways to keep me blogging, so hopefully it won't be months before I update again!

I've started making sea glass necklaces that could be used for bridal parties, so that's fun. 

I think I'm going to keep focusing on the beach writings.  Tons of people make jewelry and a lot of people make sea glass jewelry and even though mine is different, it does tend to get a little lost in the shuffle.  I figure if I focus on the beach writings, which is my first love, and spend down time working on sea glass creations, hopefully it will work out.

Hope you're all doing well!!!

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Be who you want!

Did you know I started my business at 40 years old.

It's never too late to have a happily ever after.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Where is summer & divorce update

Ok it's going to be warm today, almost 70 but it's cloudy!!! This weather has been the PITS since winter started.

I have never had such a long period of time between beach trips to get my work done. Even right after Sandy I didn't have this much trouble getting my work done.


Enough complaining... what I'm doing in the mean time is focusing on me and my health.  Since February I've been eating low carb & riding my bike at least 5 days a week for 20 to 40 minutes.  Since then I've lost 18 lbs!!!!

Back in January I posted this

which has the link to my post from 2011 when I had hit 65 pounds lost and included before & after photos, go check it out.

So my goal is to get the rest of the weight off to get me back to where I was in 2011 before my back issues laid me out, that's only 15 more pounds.  I am focused and hope to be there before the end of the summer.  If I can get more off, awesome!!!  Realistically I am 44 and have been obese at several points in my life.  So unless I can afford plastic surgery to remove skin, I don't see myself ever being skinny.

My combination for weight loss that works this time is Low Carb, exercise and STRESS.  I think stress is the catalyst.

Imagine that, divorcing & living together is causing stress...

You see, even though we are getting divorced, we had planned on only separating (NJ doesn't have legal separation) so I could stay on his insurance he is now pushing to file for divorce.

He used to push me to stay in the house together so that we could keep things normal for the kids.  At first I liked the idea, but then I the thought of one more day of seeing his face was going to be too much, to accepting it was a good idea for the kids.

We get along just fine, so what was the point of breaking up the house and having to struggle to maintain 2 households.

I did a lot of reading on it and even met a woman who shared a house with her ex for 11 years!  I can't imagine 11 years, but I was just thinking 2 or 3 more.  Maybe at that point with our youngest being 16ish the older one in college or Air Force and that would lighten the load for finding a place to live until the younger one graduates.

And then the ex started dating.

Basically he became infatuated with the first woman that paid any attention to him through a dating site. I think she must have gone through a bad divorce because she is pushing him to do things that are not in his nature.

He is crazy about her and looks like he will do almost anything to be with her. He told me she's told him to date other people, and he is.  I also believe she has said she will not date him while he's still legally married and that is why he is pushing for filing.

I told him I would write him a note saying that I have no problem with his dating as long as he remembered to put his kids first.  So if you're her & you're reading this, he's all yours!  Just try to remember he has kids too.

So we went from friends, to dating, to married, to separated and now, with the way he's treating me, I can't see us being friends.

It makes me sad because he is the father of our children and I see how this putting more stress on them daily.
I have always been there for my kids and will continue to do so any way I can.  Especially at this time when he is not thinking with the head between his shoulders.

I am strong and will build a future that will lead to an amazing adult friendship with my awesome kids, where I never have to worry about what head the ex is thinking with again.

Ok, enough rambling. I need to get my butt on my bike.  Thanks for listening!